Day 12: I have a problem. Does Ivy have a problem? Laura has a problem.

Shaw and I had a dance party tonight after dinner to old Elvis and CCR. We threw clothes at each other as I had taken most of my clothing and thrown it on the floor of our office/guest room for a massive organizing mission. Most if it was in my closet anyway, on the floor.

I have a problem with clothing. But we'll get to that later.

This week we've stabilized a bit and arrived at the common challenge of SLEEP. Every parent of young childen's major subject. It's a moving target, and all we know is that we are all off our natural schedules. Whatever you slept like before kids, you're probably not doing it with kids.



Ivy sleeps most of the day, and nurses every couple of hours all night with Laura. We're cosleeping so she just rolls over, but still, it wakes her. I slept with her and Ivy for the first few nights, but quickly realized, and I did with Shaw now that I think about it, that there is NO point in me being there and getting woken up all night. I can't help, and I'm not needed.



One us does need to be awake during the day though, so I've been in the guest room until last night that is...

Last night I went out to dinner with my mother, and we were all exhausted by 9 and found that he ENTIRE family was in the big king bed. Shaw had snuck out of his room while I was putting him down and we didn't have the energy for a meltdown.

Shaw is great with her, he curious, mostly gentle, and thinks of her often in terms of showing her his drawings, or trucks, or helping change diapers.

With us, he regressing, and easily melts down for "momma." This time, we didn't have it in us to try and keep him in his room. So it was a pile up in one bed!

He lay on one side of Laura and Ivy on the other. Laura's problem was that Ivy wanted to nurse, and Shaw literally snuggled up next to her and reached his hand up every time she looked at Ivy and gently pulled it to look at him. Message understood. Let the fight over momma's body parts begin. It must be complex, good, and bad, and in the middle, to have one's body wanted by babies, kids and adults, all for different reasons. But that's another post, or 20.

So we just all crashed together.

I didn't sleep hardly all, but everyone else seemed to have an okay sleep. I was up every few hours, too hot, too cold, being kicked by Shaw, and then the wireless weather station ran out of batteries and started beeping at midnight. By 6:15, dark, Shaw was up. I distracted him by teaching him how to go though all my family photos while I took a shower. The day

Ivy is pretty easy. She's an "appendage' as Laura calls her. This is the time with Shaw that I remember being terrified of three things, and it's happening with Ivy too.

1. She stops breathing often for no apparent reason, I'm told it's "normal." But I can't help thinking that one of these times, she'll really be dead. Literally, if you are listening to her sleep, she suddenly, and completely, stops breathing. As one of my daddy friends said, "I just lay there in the dark trying to think how I was going to wake my wife and tell her our daughter was dead." And then suddenly, they start breathing again! 
2. Is she mentally all there? All she does is twitch her limbs, make faces and seem totally confused and disoriented, for the few minutes a day she seems actually awake. Then she passes out for hours, usually strapped to Laura in such a way as to make it almost impossible to see if she's even alive amid the fabric and her body. Is she okay? How do we know?
3. Laura and Ivy are aliens. Laura's body is so drastically readjusting, spurting milk and changing shape daily, she must not be human. Her organs are literally moving several inches back to their original location. Ivy is a gurgling mess of writhing skin. Sometimes bloated like a frog, sometimes not. She shits different stuff daily, sometimes as projectiles into a fresh diaper before you can get it on! She makes horrific faces and sneezes regularly since she can't breath through her mouth. He skin is molting like a lizard and it changes color like one too. 

I just keep breathing and it seems to keep working out, but it's dicey at times.

The grandmothers are tag teaming and it's great. I pick drop Shaw off, and mostly pick him up at school.

Shaw's little Waldorf school up the road he goes to every morning.

We've been sledding after school until 1:15 and cranking the heat for Shaw in the car until he passes out for a nap. I've feed Laura, go back to work, and a grandmother or two is often around to help with chores and kids now that we're through the first few days of the baby cave.

Laura is sleeping during the day often, but going for more walks and doing more stuff around the house. Ivy had her first bath.

We shovel whenever possible, he's obessed with shoveling.


Back to my problem  for once (or twice) - clothing.  I hate my clothing, or really, most clothing in general. Actually, the concept of clothing really, and its needs around looking good and clean. And I hate that I don't have a butler to give me new clothes every day, so I can trash them and start over each day, and still look good.

We made it through all of them. I threw out half. Mostly stuff I'd had for years. I have way too many socks!

No matter what I ware, I usually have a classic green Tilly hat T3 most seasons, and hopefully a white Tilly hemp medium brim this summer. Black belt, camera bulging off it, black backpack full of electronics and stuff. 

If I could I would wear:

1. A black very light wool suit, leather business shoes, with a different tie and shirt picked out from a set of pressed and folded (not by me) ones. It's so simple, and it looks so good. But my office isn't that dressy and I can't afford it since I'd trash the suits pretty quick with food stains, rips, and forgetting to take them off when I get home. It's a dichotomy, because I love looking great dressed up in fine clothes, especially dark suits, but I just don't fucking care most of the time.
2. Summer:  Carhartt Men's Washed Duck Work Shorts "12-ounce, heavyweight, 100% ring-spun cotton," stained, dirty, and often damp from a recent swim. A random tee shirt or button down for sun protection, unbuttoned, untucked.
3. Winter: Worn and often dirty 501 Levi jeans (although I'm noticing Levi's aren't what they used to be!), ragged tee shirt with untucked, unbuttoned flannel button down shirt and a leather bomber coat made of thick pig skin, with a robust metal zipper. 

As it is I muddle along, struggling to keep my clothes organized and to come up with a bullet proof plan to wear the same thing every day - and failing. I'm homing in on black jeans and a button down at work. But I just HATE thinking about it at all! And I hate worrying about what I'm wearing, especially about getting it dirty or stained, or being dirty or stained. Smelly, I avoid...so I've got that going for me. 

Tonight Shaw was tired out from the clothing war, I let him fall asleep in the office/guest room with me sometimes and I did tonight. He likes to be in the same room with me working on the computer.

He almost melted for momma, but I stayed calm, held him, got him some water, and he passed out by 9pm. He goes down late when he has a 1 to 2 hour nap, but I'm hoping he sleeps till 7!

Now I'll try and sleep at 10pm. I had an hour nap today from the horrid night before, almost didn't get up by 5pm, and of course now I'm not able to sleep, when I can.

Now, if I could only eat better...well...ok, LESS... and exercise more, my shoulders wouldn't hurt so much, and I'd feel a bit better. Is it really that simple...diet and exercise - it can't be! There must be another answer, a pill, maybe a chant, grail, code...

But, all and all, it's so wonderful to have a tight community, grandparents, and the solid support of a steady, albeit low, salary with benefits in a job I love. I've got 2.5 weeks left of my paid daddy leave too - time is on my side for a bit. 

Seems a formula for tolerable chaos, and time for our little family to learn to keep sticking together and support each other, as we roll with the endless phases and challenges that seem to be what life is about for me now.

What do you think?

Products in this Post I Recommend

I have tested and heartily recommend:
Also, I'm looking for a reliable link to black Levi 501's that are not thin crappy cotton that I sometimes get from Levis. Any help?

Maybe these?: