Alternate Magazing Cover

Our local coop, despite its "progressive" nature, features just as many magazines at the check out stand that have covers loaded with sexploitation as any other market, if not more due the healthful nature of many of the magazines. 
 
I often think that these covers could use alternate, perhaps more honest, words that go with the photos.

Here's my first try at alternate words for a magazine cover:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I've got a heel

up my ass!